21 May, 2011

It's Never Easy to Say "Au Revoir"

Dear C,
It's nice hearing from you. I agree that it has been a while since our last Gmail encounter. My apologize for not immediately reply to your message. It was because at first, I don't know what to say. I have been in your position many times before to know that there won't be any words good enough to comfort you. When I lost my mother, my grandmother, my ex boyfriend, and people tried to console me with their 'wise words', I always ended feeling bitter instead of better.
I was like,'have you been in my position before? Can you relate with what I actually feel? If not, then don't talk like there is rainbow waiting after darkness. You don't even know how it feels.'
Time heals, they say, and you don't believe what they said because as time goes by you miss him more. I'm sorry to be the one who say this to you, it would and could become worst than that. Perhaps at some point you will get use to be without his presence (so time heals after all, if you wait long enough), but there will be moments when your thought wanders and you will remember the good memories of him. And it would kill you -not literally- to let yourself swim in those sentimental feelings.
But death and loss are the natural parts of life itself. To think about it, loss is only ugly to us, the ones that the death has left and won't be able to meet them -our loved ones- anymore. As a thirty something woman (who is fortunate enough looking like twenty :D), I have learned that life itself is so very fragile. Something or someone important to us could be taken away in a matter of flashing seconds. Mistakes can be done and scar will left its eternal mark. Forever there beneath surface to remind us that between breathing and happiness, bad things are waiting in every corner. We are awake every morning to every possibility of misfortunes: betrayal, pain, rejection, hurtful, lies, pretenders, judgments, sickness. The death however, are beyond these earthy sufferings.
As religion convinces us that there is a better afterlife awaiting after our time in this world. We are to believe the ones that have left us were now in a better place.
That's why even though we are different in faith, I am grateful that you are a believer with religion too, C. Because that is the most important part from faith: it gives hope. Hope for a better place after death and that the death will no longer can feel pain and sickness like the rest of us staying in this world sooner or later will.
But I can't tell you what to and what not to feel, C. Feelings are raw. It is something we cannot control upon ourselves. Perhaps it is better to let yourself feel what you feel until you reach the point of ready to let go.
Anytime your thought goes to Kaplan, and you miss him badly, terribly, think of this: at least you have been fortunate enough to have him in your life. To have him armed you with memory and experience you could look back fondly. That instead of remembering him with bitterness, you are blessed to memories him with all the love and good care he once done. That he left you because of his dialysis instead of an ugly break up.
I could not express how sorry I am that you've lost your fiance' within weeks before you were getting married. I was planning to see you in Istanbul on February, but something come up. Somewhere in the near future, I will surely come to visit. Take care.

08 May, 2011

I Spent My Saturday Afternoon in the Kitchen

Annisa Manurung is an inspiring woman.

Yes she deserves to be called a woman instead of girl. Because woman her age, and even mine, are usually only care about being popular amongst their community. Instead Annisa really does something for the community. She is the founder of a non-profit organization aiming to help underprivileged children to go to school.

She inspired me too. Drooling by her spicy shrimp curry post in her blog, I spent my Saturday afternoon in the kitchen. Preparing my own version of spicy shrimp curry. I add quail eggs into mine, and it suppose to be enough for my meal during the weekend. Can't wait for lunch :)).

Because the Only Death is Monotony

Because the only death is monotony, I have decided to move to Amsterdam before summer. A box of Limburg truffle, strawberry pie and a piece of sugary pie....Ning brought these for me when we had our last lunch in Maastricht. The day before I left for Amsterdam.

This is Ning Wang, she's from Taiwan. She is generous and helpful, and has a good sense of ecletic-tomboyish style. Oh, and she likes reading too. She is one of very few people I know who reads Kundera. In short, for a single she is highly recommended, a high quality one :).

Both Ning and Yen, English name Susie, were my neighbors in Avant Garde building. Ning is know in Germany and will do summer course in Italy before going back to Taiwan. Yen still lives in Maastricht, she plans to stay and find a job here.

Friends can come from every corner of this earth. Doesn't matter where they are come from, what their origins or race are. As long as they won't judge me for my faith and family and certain rumors they heard about me, then I'll be happy to be friends with them.

(The title THE ONLY DEATH IS MONOTONY is taken from Edith Wharton's Age of Innocence)

01 May, 2011

This Bird Keeps on Flying

Moving in and out numerous times in this past two years made me miss my old room back in Jakarta, Indonesia. I lived in my family's house on Guntur 27. It was an old house which was built in 1940s during the Dutch colonialism era. My ompung papie & ompung mamie (grandpa and grandma in Bataknese) bought the house right after they got married. Bore and raised eight children included my father, their second son. The location of this house is really great, right in the middle of Kuningan-Sudirman, and people often mistaken the area as part of the posh Menteng neighborhood. Which is not :), it is only around 5 minutes away by car from where Indonesian vice president lives but it's not.
And these three photos...see the old window? It's very much say Dutchie architecture. The room was also colorful, because when I started plan to redecorate, it was Monica's apartment in
Friends what I had in mind. But I only took interest with my room after my grandmother died.
Everything in the house felt so grim and unbearable and reminded me of my grandmother. So I had it painted in pastel green because I once read green is the color of peace and contemplation. Just exactly what I needed.